“Oh NANCY. Your hair … it’s … you know what, though? I think it’ll look just great after a few weeks. And you know … I heard about the divorce and I just wanted to sa- Oh yes that’s my latte thanks Paulo- I just wanted to say that I’m sure everything is going to be just fine, Nancy. And if you ever want to come back to book club, you know the girls would really just like that.”
(via theanimalblog)
“You know, sometimes I just need to get my nails done and then lie on my bed until 3 p.m. Then I call my husband at work, pretend I’m vomiting and make him bring me a martini when he comes home. I’m fairly certain he’s cheating on me with his boss but honestly I just don’t care.”
Charles shows up to his computer programming job at 3 p.m. and stays until 2 a.m. If his coworkers try to make conversation with him, he silently, furiously types until they leave.
(via animalworld)
“I have defeated him again, Muthah. Now would you please fetch me a new shirt. This one’s gotten all soiled from Edward’s filthy peasant hands.”
(via magicalnaturetour)
“SHE SAID WHAT. SHE SAID WHAT?!?!? OH MY GOD TARA IS GOING TO FIND HER AND CHOP HER HEAD OFF WITH AN AXE I SWEAR TO YOU.”
(via magicalnaturetour)
Luke and Jess are that couple who lies all over each other in the park to show how in sync they are even though napping like that is not actually comfortable.
(via magicalnaturetour)
